Ash and more ashes.

In the name of Allah,

most gracious, most merciful.

I’m so heartbroken, i don’t know what  happiness in this world is anymore.

By the river piedra, with bated breath, i sat down and wept. and wept. and wept.

Oh Dunya, Don’t try to betray me. I have divorced you since long time ago.

In the name of Allah,

most gracious, most merciful.

Where is your responsibilities as a slave of Allah.

That you can easily state that you will switch on and off your iman as and when you feel like it. As though, God is the one that owes u something, that Islam is the one that owes ur faith to ur own religion you clenched since birth. Nauzubillah min zalik.

Oh worthless slave human, have you forgotten that you were made from clay and the promises that you made to Allah when you were in your mother’s womb, and the reason why Allah sent Adam and Eve and placed their children on earth, so that this will be a temporary dwelling of trials and how strong the walls of faith you have, so that your hereafter is a place of comfort and peace?

That you think your leniency to your own religion is justifiable and God accepts your excuses? Don’t be like the wahhabi. They who impose great punishment on others when what they do is deemed wrong, but when it comes to them, they will slack abit. Ie. When comes to clothes, nevermind if can see the lines of the body as long as it covers the body, then it’s fine.

Have you not put a thought on those muslims, who fought for many battles and those who spent nights crying infront of Allah; begging for forgiveness, and always yearning that this life in this world is shorten and importantly,to forgive their sins because HE alone can forgive? because Jannah is so close yet so far.

—————–

—Past few nights, i wept by the thought of His punishment, because the idea of divorce has come passed us so fast, and i even thought, divorce could never happen in my lifetime. how it pierced through my heart, when i finally understand when someone prays for their marriage will last till akhirat. With tears, now i pray mine is as such. But with His permission that is.

The risks are weighing so much on me, i can only pray that HE accepts my doa with good dwellings.

To Him i pray to and to Him i seek help.

Time to Pretend

In the name of Allah,

most gracious, most merciful.

I want to talk abt how it went for my interview, but i don’t know how to start.

Hmm, i think i was first bombarded with the question on the relevance of my diploma course with the post that i applied. rubbishly, i said customer service. but the principal smiled, saying how is it relevant. I knew it had so much relevance because school is now based on their value-added programs. that now, no matter how much the teachers and everyone in the system try to deny, schools are now treated like any other corporate companies, only difference is that their are on government watch. Because it didn’t matter if the school is near to their houses, just as long the school provide good education for their children.So, i say customer service is of relevance because the students and parents are our clients and we are selling education to them. it was sensible and very honest comment. but i couldn’t open my mouth to saying these exact words. God knows why. i just hope i get a second interview and redeem and restore their judgements on my intelligence. lol.

but the female principal was abit in ‘critical mode’ i would say. . she kept on asking me how is my diploma going to benefit. bloody hell. i honestly told her, when i was in secondary 4; contemplating which courses to take, my dad was the only that has the sound advice upon me, and none laid much options on the opportunities that i can have..so the option that my dad and i could agree on was Quality Management Engineering. and besides, my dad wanted all of his children to take engineering. if she wanted to talk about modules on the course that i took, it would be mechanics since it has mathematics and physics contents.  but she then say that there are quality issues that are actually applied in schools. and then i replied back, that i am not too sure abt the system in school, because my experiences are based on being a relief tutor, and if the system in school really has quality issues that can be applied in school, then it’s good news, because it means that my course is actually useful in this field. at the end of the day, i applied for this post, not because of what i have learnt in school, but because of my passion in teaching.

There were a few more questions, about CCA and etc. i can’t remember much.

I do hope that i will get this post, or better. insyaAllah.

After all said and done, i didn’t want them to feel that they are any superior because they are principals in school or because they are the interviewer and i am the  interviewee. That’s the reason why i laid as much honesty as possible in my response and i , proudly, spoke abit of singlish, which means, i am comfortable with my seat, right?

That they are my friends and there was nothing to hide. and haha, i think that’s what got my Olevel Oral Malay Examiners laughing and earned me a distinction. heh. (i told the examiners that, although sweets are prohibited in class, we still eat it quietly to keep us awake. and PLEASE don’t tell anyone about our secret.)

Searching for a former Clarity

In the name of Allah,

most gracious, most merciful.

After a few days of not prostrating, now that i can finally perform my solah (Alhamdulilah).

As i stood up and on my way to prostrating, i had forgotten how far it was my head from the ground.

After solah, in my heart, i apologized, repented for any of my sinful mistakes, particularly, if i had been arrogant and forgetting where my feet and head was.

//In my head, im thinking…

” Once Hadra Umar (ra) asked in a gathering to test them, “If i do not obey the Shari’ah (divine law), what would you do?” A Bedouin immediately stood up and replied in a harsh tone, “O Umar! we will straighten you (ie. put you on a straight path) as we straighten our arrows to put in the bow.” Hadrat Umar (ra) was very pleased to hear it.

Once a person in a public meeting stood up and said ” O Umar, Fear Allah.” the audience tried to stop him but Hadrat Umar (ra) said, ” Let him say, he is free to give his opinion. If people do not give their opinions, they are useless, and if we (the rulers) do not listen to them, we are uselesS”

Not only the men but women too enjoyed the freedom of opinion. Once Hadrat Umar (ra) was suggesting the quantity of dowry to be fixed at the time of Nikah (marriage) which was not in accordance with Islamic Principle. A veiled lady immediately stood up and said, ” O Umar, Fear Allah.” Hearing this Hadrat Umar (ra) realised his mistake and accepted her objection.”

- From the book; “The Pious Caliphs” by Majid Ali Khan.

So I thought, If a man of such rank accepts to be of equal standing with his people when comes to justice, seeking advice and etc, why do we (youngsters) have to be silent and follow our elders with whatever they say and do, when we know it’s wrong or not justifiable with what our hearts, brain and knowledge says? Not as if we are going against Islamic principles, Nauzubillah min zalik. Ya Rabbi, correct my manners if im wrong.

Btw, Forgive my typo errors or anything from the text that i have quoted. i know how heavy the consequences are if any sentence is wrongly misunderstood. And for those who are interested, the book ” The Pious Caliphs” is a really really good book. I cried when i read on how Hadrat Uthman(ra) was martyed.

Surah 75. Al-Qiyama (The Rising Of The Dead, Resurrection)

Surah 75. Al-Qiyama (The Rising Of The Dead, Resurrection)

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

1. I do call to witness the Resurrection Day;

2. And I do call to witness the self-reproaching spirit: (Eschew Evil).

3. Does man think that We cannot assemble his bones?

4. Nay, We are able to put together in perfect order the very tips of his fingers.

5. But man wishes to do wrong (even) in the time in front of him.

6. He questions: “When is the Day of Resurrection?”

7. At length, when the sight is dazed,

8. And the moon is buried in darkness.

9. And the sun and moon are joined together,-

10. That Day will Man say: “Where is the refuge?”

11. By no means! No place of safety!

12. Before thy Lord (alone), that Day will be the place of rest.

13. That Day will Man be told (all) that he put forward, and all that he put back.

14. Nay, man will be evidence against himself,

15. Even though he were to put up his excuses.

16. Move not thy tongue concerning the (Qur’an) to make haste therewith.

17. It is for Us to collect it and to promulgate it:

18. But when We have promulgated it, follow thou its recital (as promulgated):

19. Nay more, it is for Us to explain it (and make it clear):

20. Nay, (ye men!) but ye love the fleeting life,

21. And leave alone the Hereafter.

22. Some faces, that Day, will beam (in brightness and beauty);-

23. Looking towards their Lord;

24. And some faces, that Day, will be sad and dismal,

25. In the thought that some back-breaking calamity was about to be inflicted on them;

26. Yea, when (the soul) reaches to the collar-bone (in its exit),

27. And there will be a cry, “Who is a magician (to restore him)?”

28. And he will conclude that it was (the Time) of Parting;

29. And one leg will be joined with another:

30. That Day the Drive will be (all) to thy Lord!

31. So he gave nothing in charity, nor did he pray!-

32. But on the contrary, he rejected Truth and turned away!

33. Then did he stalk to his family in full conceit!

34. Woe to thee, (O men!), yea, woe!

35. Again, Woe to thee, (O men!), yea, woe!

36. Does man think that he will be left uncontrolled, (without purpose)?

37. Was he not a drop of sperm emitted (in lowly form)?

38. Then did he become a leech-like clot; then did ((Allah)) make and fashion (him) in due proportion.

39. And of him He made two sexes, male and female.

40. Has not He, (the same), the power to give life to the dead?

Man’s meat can be another man’s poison

In the name of Allah,

most gracious, most merciful.

I was just wondering,

Did all the Islamic wars and Rasullulah (saw) and his sahabats (ra) fight, endured and their patience and their fighting for rights, honour, justice and etc, so that we could be what we are doing now? Going out to mall, meet friends and new friends and talk abt God knows what, watch tv, movies, go work and hang out, and whatever else? Can you seriously, tell me that you’re contented and there’s nothing more you can give?and have never thought to be actually involved to put effort for your spiritual contenment?

okay. that’s what i ponder for today.

Anyhoo, I am really really curious how much i score for my Arabic Exam yesterday. haha. //grin. i wonder how bad are my spelling mistakes. must be dozens of them. haha. and that i had to decipher the arabic-texted close passage word by word , and translate it into english language. like breaking the Da Vinci’s code. haha.

Surah 104. Al-Humaza (The Traducer, The Gossipmonger)

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

1. Woe to every (kind of) scandal-monger and-backbiter,

2. Who pileth up wealth and layeth it by,

3. Thinking that his wealth would make him last for ever!

4. By no means! He will be sure to be thrown into That which Breaks to Pieces,

5. And what will explain to thee That which Breaks to Pieces?

6. (It is) the Fire of (the Wrath of) Allah kindled (to a blaze),

7. The which doth mount (Right) to the Hearts:

8. It shall be made into a vault over them,

9. In columns outstretched.

Im staying at home all these while, but SubhanaAllah, i was never bored. there’s always something to do.

Today, i cleaned house, washed clothes, made my bed, clean the kitchen, made jemput-jemput (which surprisingly, Alhamdulilah, i could do it without any trouble. haha. it’s so simple lor! just like what i guess: flour, banana, salt, sugar. and i had my additional ingredients : Cinnamon, oats and dates. it tasted quite good actually. and all wasn’t made to measure. i used my woman’s intuition. powerful eh? haha. Alhamdulilah) and i went out to get some photocopying of papers done and posted a mail. though it wasn’t much, I believe it was a productive day. and insyaAllah, tomorrow’s another set of errands to be done.

Guess what? Full-time housewife IS a job. haha. Not tht i have not known, but never really tasted the sweat of it until these days.

Talk nicely. Not reprimand or Critic.

In the name of Allah,

most gracious, most merciful.

Alhamdulilah, it’s been years eh that i have started wearing hijab. but it’s not until recently that the full impact of wearing one has instilled in me. Because..

Years ago, i would wear only when i think the distance (to where i am heading) is needed to be wear hijab. if such short distances like to a nearby shop, then i won’t wear.

Years ago, i would wear outside but when there are guests in the house, i won’tput it on. God knows why. :S i don’t know too. guests i meant by blood relatives or just sisters/brothers in Islam.

So, Alhamdulilah, (I won’t use the word i understand, because the word “understand” is an understatement recently) I was given the knowledge that, wearing hijab is a must. if not, it would defeat the purpose of wearing one in the first place.

My sister with same age recently got married, came to my house without wearing tudung. she lives nearby. and when i ask her, why did she come without tudung, because of the strangers she met on her way to my house. and she reason that i was just like that years ago.  i smiled because it was true. but it was only because there was no one to tell me nicely. not even to reprimand to wake me up to my senses.

But it’s okay. Alhamdulilah. at least it’s not too late right?

So, with this knowledge i share.

That these  little things; if they are not taught by heart or common sense, and if there are people to reprimand or telling you nicely, then it means you’re worth the time. importantly, because it’s the right thing to do for the teller and yourself .

The design of friendship is so simple. that the purpose is to stand and correct each other whenever wrong. not just to linger. get it? and if one can’t afford to do that, what’s the point of being sister and brothers in Islam? What’s the point of blood ties?

Name

In the name of Allah,

most gracious, most merciful.

“Remember, You’re carrying, your family’s name, your name and importantly, your religion’s name”

Not many understand.

Name.

A name’s Aishah/Aisha. Everyone knows Aishah (ra) is one of Prophet (Saw) ’s wives. One of the best and beloved ones that is. We know, she(ra) married to Nabi(saw) at a young age. She(ra) being so matured and wise, and have the ability to memorise things very well. Living with Nabi(saw) with so many opportunities, she became a teacher to many men and women after Nabi(saw) wafat. Such a character, a pious woman can only hope and determine to achieve at least half the strength and courage she has. so filial to her(ra) husband; Nabi(saw). she endured many rumours against her. she endured hunger. she endured so much more.

Same goes to any of those well-known women like Khadijah,Fatimah, Mariam, Safiyyah, Balqis, Hafshah and lotsa more. (peace be upon them all)

We all know their history. at least, we should. We all know their strengths. their sacrifices and status.

For a person to name after such, don’t you think it is a responsibility to uphold a name’s meaning? what’s my point, you ask? Your name’s Aishah. So act like one.

Your name’s Fatimah. Act like one. (anyone who’s reading. you get my point)

My name’s Nazira. It means warner. Thinking about it and the consequences that comes along with it. i felt that all my life, one way or another, i have uplift that meaning, somehow, and im saying, unconsciously of course. (what do you think i am? Someone who thinks highly of herself and say that im the best in what i do?)

But i know well enough, that speech and words of mouth is the least of communication compared to actions. You know why i speak less and write more? (if you still cant read between the lines, then, please, take your time to figure it out urself). why i prefer poems and lyrics rather than songs. why i prefer actions rather than paper and conversation.

I know, i realised and understand that to warn doesnt mean to preach. That’s why i chose the many choices i have taken all my life. To wear Hijab because outer beauty is not the point, to respect yourself, to respect others, to respect husband, to understand humility, to understand shame. To Solah, because not to talk; but to communicate, to grief( to Taubah), to listen. To choose between the lesser of two evils. To wait because rezeki will come, in time. To be silent because speak unnecessarily/ speak too much is noise. not to mix with people too much because later, chances i will forget abt purpose is very very high.

Although, im a woman with much little knowledge,Alhamdulilah, i am moving and learning rather than being stagnant in still waters.

“Remember, You’re carrying, your family’s name, your name and importantly, your religion’s name”

What’s the point of reading this entry, if you’re not going to listen and understand. and don’t tell me that you understand. because if you did, you would have done things differently.

What’s a human’s name if one don’t know the power and responsibility that comes along with it?

Don’t just Listen. Understand. Don’t just think. Ponder. Don’t just speak. Say something.

In the name of Allah,

most gracious, most merciful.

Aunty say, “eh! SALAM CIUM!”

I say. What crap.

The only people im obliged to kiss their hands are my parents and husband.

and teachers.

i’m thinking. do i kiss another female’s hand because of age or knowledge or status?

Had it been by age, why?

If by knowledge, yes, why not. but does she have any?

if by status as a 2nd aunt or much more distant, then, what status are you talking about?

the one thing i dislike about race is that; it somehow twines itself with religion. we people need to start separating.

Seriously people! Daun sirih must be produced upon nikah. to show that the person’s a virgin? hah! kiss my kambing.

A person’s virginity is based on the presence of that daun sirih?

If that’s the case. The whole concept has already spoken for itself on how a person’s intelligence and race can be that shallow. how a person’s dignity can stoop so low.

Yaum Arrabi’

In the name of Allah,

most gracious, most merciful.

I was on my way to the mosque when a man greeted me peace. Clearly sitting at the corner of the mosque, asking for alms.

I don’t give to beggars because i believe, if such a person with clean heart wants money, he would want to work for it instead. If he truly is a beggar and no doubt on his faith with Allah, Allah, insyaAllah will provide enough for him. If  his position as a beggar is a retribution, i don’t want to be involve, else, ill get his share of woes too. Point is, i don’t want to mix with any man’s affair. My faith is my faith. Your faith is your faith. Forgive my thoughts if it’s deemed shallow or not well thought through. this is how i feel.

But i’m nt gg to talk about beggars and their profession.

It just itch me, that these beggars use the name Islam to their advantage.

And worst of all, why is it when Bilal calls up for prayer, they still sit at the outside of edge of masjid?

That’s it. That’s my question. I won’t pursue and add on, if not, i’ll make judgements and might cause a great deal of fitnah.