Kami Bersyukur

In the name of Allah,

most gracious, most merciful.

Alhamdulilah. after 1 year of training and those months i now, reminisce, of tears and nagging from ong, i finally have passed my driving! yes laaaa….//roar. hahah

anyhoos, alhamdulilah, after striking the cerb, did twice corrective actions for vertical parking (which was horrible, i was dying out of dehydration), brake unnecessarily on the road because the light turned amber and infront of me was a yellow box (i braked but when i saw the yellow box, i thought i couldnt stop there, so i went ahead. lol. POWDERFUL eh? lol) and finally my last gravious mistake, that big junction, i wanted to beat the amber light, but in the end i braked. and i was very much close to the pedestrian walk way in the junction. and i was DEFINITELY NOT behind the stopping line for the cars.) lol. so, 18 points for all my mistakes. it was just my luck i had to see two amber lights on my driving test -_-”. whatever, im still grateful like crap that i passed because i KNEW any stupid mistake, i can easily fail just like that.

The tester then warned me to have more practice. and i nod my head.

went down to the briefing room and watched the graduation video. huhu.

and guess what,

I CAN DRIVE YOUR CAR!

well, it has to be automatic though. but still…

I CAN DRIVE YOUR CAR! =D

mother thought i failed. i told her i got 22. lol. then finally, i told her, ” but mak..if i failed right..then why did i buy..(takes out the triangle plate and show it to her) this? HUHU.//dance infront of ( i dont do that always, esp not to a mother. lol) “

Because she whispered this video to me

Can i have a hubby? Yes, take away please. lol

In the name of Allah,

most gracious, most merciful.

Hah. nevermind my entry title, i just wanted to type it out.

anyhoo, for those who didnt know, my sister and brother just got married Last thursday and yesterday respectively. Their wedding reception was yesterday.

Dont bother to ask, i wont upload it up on my blog. pray that my cousins’ upload it to facebook and maybe you can see.

abit sad that they are now gone.

the last four of us were saying that now the we are 5. no more abg ami and kakak. so the home is silent. and i replied,” actually. its not really loud also what. hahah.” samir replied,”ya hor. kakak balik selalu dengan computer. abg ami slalu balik lambat” haha. but i guess, we’re thinking about the days when we actually do sit down, chat and laugh.

Today, my relatives and my family went for house visiting to their houses.

and crap. (suddenly,now) im just thinking that i havent memorise my arabic spellings and whatever else.

Hah. tomorrow’s holiday. so lol. we 4 planned to go my sis house and have breakfast at 9. lol. my mom doubt that they can wake up that early but i dont really care. haha. i told her alr, by now, you should know how to wake up at 6,7 or 8 the latest no matter what. so, insyaAllah, we’ll make noise. my brother in law is cool. when im with my brothers around my bil, i feel like a kid and make fun. ive yet to remind myself tt i’m 20 lor. haha.

But all in all, these few days has been kinda a challenge for me.

Alhamdulilah, im wearing hijab even when there are guests in house. Eventhough they are my relatives. Mom and others ask me why im wearing. because its not like us to wear it still with relatives even if we are not muhrims. nonetheless, i told them lah, that so and so is still in the house. then they mum.

And im thinking, i gotta start learning to wear in the house too right. if not, it beats the purpose of wearing it outside as well. And besides, i don’t wait till im married then i start these things. -_-”. Rasullulah (pbuh) taught us to wear it at all times when people are around, right? so do it.

Ratapan Seorang Istri

In the name of Allah,

most gracious, most merciful.

Ya Allah,

aku serahkan nyawa aku di tanganMu

Tuhan semesta alam

Aku hanya mahu menjadi hambamu yang taat

Dipimpin ke jalan yang lurus.

Ya Rabbi,

Aku hanya seorang manusia yang tidak lepas dari kesalahan.

Maafkan dosa-dosa aku, yang sengaja ataupun tidak.

aku mungkin buta dari kebenaran

tapi Ya Allah,

itu bukan bermakna aku tidak takut denganMu.

selalu aku gigil dalam ketakutan jikalau pilihan aku membawa maut.

And that i know, my amalan is never enough to level with a righteous men, but never give up on me and please give me respite. This slave of yours is always attempting to learn, insyaAllah. This slave of yours is always thinking, insyaAllah. How to get closer to you.

And if today i am hesistant to straighten my ways, please give me respite for i need time to see things through. for InsyaAllah, i can be different tomorrow.

Little Bit

In the name of Allah,

most gracious, most merciful.

I recently cut my hair short. because i find my previous hair makes me look haggard and not neat.

when my mom saw my short hair, she then asked me ” So you not going to wear tudung on saturday?”

and she definitely caught me speechless. “Huh? of course i’ll wear.”

I didn’t understand why she asked me that question.

Why did she think i wear tudung for? for fun? because i choose to isolate myself?

I’ve been wearing it for 4 years (Alhamdulilah and InsyaAllah, still counting), doesn’t she know that i know what modest, humble and shy means by now?

She thought i would take out my veil and be naked because of vanity and make other people jealous?

20 years living in this house, seeing the decisions i chose, how i grow up, the thoughts  (although not always but occasionally( at least) ) i voice out, don’t tell me she still don’t know what im made up of.

at least to know that i won’t sacrifice what i have for something; so worldly like showing off my body to strangers, men and others?

am i that transparent?

To teach a Crab to walk straight.

In the name of Allah,

most gracious,most merciful.

I’m angry and disappointed at a lot of malay community. I’m not trying to be racist. but their “slacking” attitude has always been proven time and again.

I have a malay student; primary 4. very very weak in all his subject. he might prolly end up in foundation class next year. of course, after a month of observation, i reported to his mother on his conduct in class. being unresponsive, won’t listen and plays always.

I explained to her what is his major major weakness; gave her examples. nevermind my thughts on her reactions, all i care is that i tried to create a rapport with his mother.

the next few lessons, i tried to coach him little by little.

and i THOUGHT he was improving. somehow.

there were once i asked him if his parents ever scold him; or his parents reactions when getting the examination results or simply, what he does at home before and after school.

haiya. how do i begin?

just now, we covered science. we went through the questions by questions. there was a moment, he took the stapler bullets on the floor and threw it on the board. i had it with so, i chided, ” put it down! you want to play? then go outside. go. just go.” but of course, child once scolded gets intimidated, he just shook his head and went silent for about 10 minutes.

the lesson ended and i went out of the classroom frustrated. at his parents and himself.

he knows that he’s weak. his parents KNOW that he is weak yet does nothing about it. he FAILS BADLY in his subjects, YOU SCOLD HIM!!!! NOT LEAVE HIM ALONE! FOR GOD’S SAKE, HE’S 10! fine, if you don’t want to scold him, but do something about it then. teach him at home or whatever methods you find it useful.

it’s rubbish, how these parents can raise their children up to be mediocre beings.

if you can’t afford to take care of them, then don’t bloody have one!

and he! he knows he is weak, yet does nothing about it. he doesnt even try!

sigh.

Really. People around u can either break or make you.

That’s how critical a nation, community, classroom,acquintances, friends and family can be.

Expectations

In the name of Allah,

most gracious, most merciful.

We talked abt how slow and wasted if they were to go through ITE first then to Poly. On his defence, my other cousin said that it would actually be good because she said, the people she is competing with are ITE students, not people with her qualifications. Because ITE students already have their foundation.

but of course, we said it’s still a stupid idea. let’s count. at 17, you pass your Olevels. spend 2 years in ITE. and then, enter Poly when you’re 20, but usually we hear these kind of people coming in at 21 for females, and 23 for males(after NS). whereas, you could have left poly when you’re 19.

So, it’s wasting time, wasting money. and at 23, you’re just gg to start your life. and wanting to go university is a different matter.

And then, i realised one thing.

the world’s unfair. it’s not fair that we are judging them against our line of expectation.

and it’s all because, “for how you judge. you will be judged as well…”

—

my cousin’s upset because i can’t get what i wanted. that is; to go NIE. then she told me i can go the other way round; apply as relief teacher and ask the whole primary schools in singapore if they need relief teaching and after a year, i try and apply for nie again.

but i gave up on them the moment i knew they gave up on me.

im tired of chasing these things. applied umpteen times for a place in nie and i still cant get in. waited for ntu’s letter for what? a month? and finally got to know that i got rejected? and appealed again, and now im back to square one, waiting; so far it’s been 2 weeks.

now, i don’t want to wait.

might as well, work and see where it leads me.

but it would be bloody sad not to be able to complete my studies and become a mathematician.

the only subject i knew i have hope on, and the only subject i love and will always love. the only subject i held on to and sacrifice the rest.

but batman’s parents said that we fall so that we can know how to stand up.

No Wonder

in the name of Allah,

most gracious, most merciful.

I realised, i drank lotsa water for the past week and extremely in need of sugar; i blame it on my cravings. because, i had been reducing my sugar intake all this while.

and i thought it was only me.

until i read the news of the possibility that the haze will be out again; thus drier weather.

so, it answered my need to buy bottled drinks when im outside, i guess the sugar intake, is really my craving.

She that is to be Examined, Examining her

Surah 60. Al-Mumtahana (She That Is To Be Examined, Examining Her)

In the name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

1. O ye who believe! Take not my enemies and yours as friends (or protectors),- offering them (your) love, even though they have rejected the Truth that has come to you, and have (on the contrary) driven out the Prophet and yourselves (from your homes), (simply) because ye believe in Allah your Lord! If ye have come out to strive in My Way and to seek My Good Pleasure, (take them not as friends), holding secret converse of love (and friendship) with them: for I know full well all that ye conceal and all that ye reveal. And any of you that does this has strayed from the Straight Path.

2. If they were to get the better of you, they would behave to you as enemies, and stretch forth their hands and their tongues against you for evil: and they desire that ye should reject the Truth.

3. Of no profit to you will be your relatives and your children on the Day of Judgment: He will judge between you: for Allah sees well all that ye do.

4. There is for you an excellent example (to follow) in Abraham and those with him, when they said to their people: “We are clear of you and of whatever ye worship besides Allah. we have rejected you, and there has arisen, between us and you, enmity and hatred for ever,- unless ye believe in Allah and Him alone”: But not when Abraham said to his father: “I will pray for forgiveness for thee, though I have no power (to get) aught on thy behalf from Allah.” (They prayed): “Our Lord! in Thee do we trust, and to Thee do we turn in repentance: to Thee is (our) Final Goal.

5. “Our Lord! Make us not a (test and) trial for the Unbelievers, but forgive us, our Lord! for Thou art the Exalted in Might, the Wise.”

6. There was indeed in them an excellent example for you to follow,- for those whose hope is in Allah and in the Last Day. But if any turn away, truly Allah is Free of all Wants, Worthy of all Praise.

7. It may be that Allah will grant love (and friendship) between you and those whom ye (now) hold as enemies. For Allah has power (over all things); And Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

8. Allah forbids you not, with regard to those who fight you not for (your) Faith nor drive you out of your homes, from dealing kindly and justly with them: for Allah loveth those who are just.

9. Allah only forbids you, with regard to those who fight you for (your) Faith, and drive you out of your homes, and support (others) in driving you out, from turning to them (for friendship and protection). It is such as turn to them (in these circumstances), that do wrong.

10. O ye who believe! When there come to you believing women refugees, examine (and test) them: Allah knows best as to their Faith: if ye ascertain that they are Believers, then send them not back to the Unbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the Unbelievers, nor are the (Unbelievers) lawful (husbands) for them. But pay the Unbelievers what they have spent (on their dower), and there will be no blame on you if ye marry them on payment of their dower to them. But hold not to the guardianship of unbelieving women: ask for what ye have spent on their dowers, and let the (Unbelievers) ask for what they have spent (on the dowers of women who come over to you). Such is the command of Allah. He judges (with justice) between you. And Allah is Full of Knowledge and Wisdom.

11. And if any of your wives deserts you to the Unbelievers, and ye have an accession (by the coming over of a woman from the other side), then pay to those whose wives have deserted the equivalent of what they had spent (on their dower). And fear Allah, in Whom ye believe.

12. O Prophet! When believing women come to thee to take the oath of fealty to thee, that they will not associate in worship any other thing whatever with Allah, that they will not steal, that they will not commit adultery (or fornication), that they will not kill their children, that they will not utter slander, intentionally forging falsehood, and that they will not disobey thee in any just matter,- then do thou receive their fealty, and pray to Allah for the forgiveness (of their sins): for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.

13. O ye who believe! Turn not (for friendship) to people on whom is the Wrath of Allah, of the Hereafter they are already in despair, just as the Unbelievers are in despair about those (buried) in graves.

-Soorah Al-mumtahana (60)

http://www.harunyahya.com/Quran_translation/Quran_translation60.php

—-

it’s been a while that ive posted a translated soorah eh?

I guess, that’s how far i drifted.

When I think of my sacrifices, and Alhamdulilah, the ibadahs that i have and the amalan i have yet to complete and redo only to be completed again, SubhanAllah, i find life really short.

I’m 20, either ways, im gg to start work or continue schooling, insyaAllah insyaAllah insyaAllah. i have yet to find myself a jamillah bayti (beautiful house), give births to al-iman jamillah awlad.

few years working for the country; rest of the years to be a housewife (and God knows how fast it’s gg to be, seeing my baby grow up); get involve in community; umrah; hajj…i don’t have much time. ive capped my age to 40 or 45 perhaps. finish my duties on this world and go back to my Creator.

Sad thing is, many of us, don’t know why they are all here. so, they party and go out, and be inside the system of what the disbelievers create for themselves.

i just hope, after years of enjoyment; you termed it as, you may still have time to repent and we can be back to being friends.

Honestly, im scared of making friends with you.

On a lighter note, my aunts came yesterday for rewang; preparing for my sibling’s wedding. my mom’s friends was doing satays; my aunts did kuih makmur which is OMG. cannot resist one. lol. the nuts are so crunchy. hah.

anyhow, she spoke of employment, that i should have gone overseas attachment, at least there will be more i can talk about during interview and obviously, to widen your horizons.

of course i know the benefits of travelling overseas brings; but i’ll never dare to travel alone without a muhrim. I don’t understand why they are okay with it. Maybe, i know too much of the consequences and understood them all.

oh well, it don’t matter. I’m not working, and Alhamdulilah, i have money. subhanaAllah, God knows best.

Like the MFA interview,

i was contemplating on what clothes to wear. 1) a normal formal office work; long sleeve top and pants. and dang, me being heavily massed, the top only covers my hips thus, my butt can be seen. 2)a black colored tube dress with blue petals with pants. which duhh, it would cover my butt.

so between aurat and formal…

I solat my isyak and finally had my answer.

of course, i wore the dress. . i told him that, if it was my rezeki to work there, i would certainly be accepted. i won’t wear something because everyone would be wearing it. and i won’t jeopardise my faith just for this world.

and guess what?

Alhamdulilah

to sin, is easy. to virtue, is hard.

In the name of Allah,

most gracious, most merciful.

No. in the first place, what is your calling to be with them still?

What is your objective?

You know who they are, the kind of people they are, why are you still insisting on them stalling your engine?

They are just your laughing friends. They won’t be here for you in times of need. we don’t need laughing friends.

Look at us, seeing the choices you had made. when you wanted them to meet me, they would have swallowed it and accepted. and said, “okay. for nazira. she has already made that choice. we will follow and respect her decision” but they didn’t, did they? they didn’t even want to hear abt us. so what sister-hood are they talking about?

Assuming you still stick with them, what gain will you get? i rather you mix with someone who repent and wants to be closer to God than those who just linger and have no purpose in life. She who wants to be closer to God, gives and shares knowledge. now, that’s just the KIND of friend you would want to keep.

I’m sorry nazira, but it’s time to go.

For Allah. saving my life in Duniya and securing my place in Akhirat, insyaAllah.